Chapter 21

The Struggle For the Family

Perfect married life means
the spiritual dedication of the parents (to God)
for the benefit of their children.

—St. Thomas Aquinas

The struggle for the family continues amidst secular winds of relativism and distorted views of the family, even in religion.  Where is true spirituality to be found?  Only, in Jesus Christ our Lord.

What is the will of God for marriage and the family?  Jesus Christ said, “Have you not read that He who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?’” (Matt. 19:4-5)  We read in Genesis, “God blessed them, saying—“Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth.” (Genesis 1:28)  So, putting it together, the plan of God for marriage is faithful, fruitful, lifelong love.  “What God has joined together, let no man divide.” (Matt. 19:6)  “By (Christian) matrimony, therefore, the souls of the contracting parties are joined and knit together more directly and more intimately than are their bodies; and from this union of souls by God’s decree, a sacred and inviolable bond arises.” (Casti Connubii)  The sacred bond of a Christian sacramental marriage is dissolved only by death, that is, by the death of either party, husband or wife—“Until death do us part.”  In the life to come, “they shall neither marry nor be married; but shall be as the angels of God in heaven.” (Matt. 22:30)  In this life, even if they separate, their marriage continues, unless it was invalid in the beginning. 

At its best, the marriage relationship is complementary and collaborative, something beautiful to behold when the goal is God’s will for the family.  At its worst, it is manipulative or domineering, something destructive of true love and sharing.

To “be fruitful and multiply” is a blessing, not a command.  It is not necessary for the married couple to have as many children as possible in order to fulfill God’s will, but to be generous and sacrificial.  If, for some good reason, it is prudent or needful to limit the number of children in their family or to space them out over time, Natural Family Planning (NFP) can be employed as the wholesome alternative to artificial contraception.  Modern methods of NFP are just as effective as contraception and have the superior advantage of lifting sexual love to a higher level—that of the virtuous and the special—rather than degrade it to something trivial, selfish and sinful, as is the case, to one degree or another, with all artificial methods.

As for couples who are unable to have children due to sterility, their marriage can still be “fruitful” spiritually through charity for God, for each other and for others, whether or not they choose to adopt one or more children.